High School Never Ends
by PKAquaFlame
Summary: Especially not with this motley crew. Stay in school, kiddies. You might just learn something. High School AU. WARNING: Randomness and insanity lurk!
1. New Kid and the Health 'Test'

Disclaimer: Why, no, I don't own anything! So yeah, I willl basically kill you if you sue! (smiles)

So. AU High school class stories. With Super Smash Brothers characters.

...

This should be fun...

NOTE: In this story, the Pokemon Trainer's name will be Takashi. This probably goes for any other Smash Bros. fic I might do.

On with the ficcy!

* * *

_Crap! Crap crap crap CRAP_! thought a very stressed out Takashi as he bolted as if all of hell was freezing over. Why? He was late for Health class.

He just transfered in from Pallet High, so it would be natural that he'd be lost. So he had to ask for directions. That's why he was late. But still, a creepy feeling eased itself on the back of his mind when the senior he had asked (Takashi himself was a junior) found out who's class he was going to: _"You got **that** Health class? I feel sorry for you, kid. Enjoy the test..."_

_What test?_ he thought, thinking about that. Oh no...It wasn't one of those tests where there was absolutely no answer to the tests, like in the health class last year, was it?

However, that creepy feeling subsided when he finally got to room A-13. Health.

"Sorry I'm...Huh?" he staretd when he saw that there were only students and no teacher. In confusion, he looked at the clock. 9:18. Wasn't the class supposed to start at 9:15?

"I don't think you should worry about being late," a voice piped up. It belonged to a boy with rusty brown hair and blue eyes. He was dressed in a a white jacket over a blue shirt, light blue jeans, and a gold...hat? What was that, some sort of halo?

"Ganondorf has a reputation for being late. Not really late, but late enough for everyone to get here," a blonde boy added. He was wearing all green, save for the brown shoes he was wearing. Takashi sighed at that.

"One more tell tale sign that I'm new here," he grumbled, sitting down.

"I thought you seemed a bit lost...Well, my name's Pit. And that over there's Link," the brown haired boy replied, pointing at himself, then the green-clad blonde when he said their respective names.

"Takashi," the brunet said, waving. He glanced at the clock again. "So, how late is this guy gonna be?" he asked when another redhead with blue eyes came in. Takashi could almost swear that this guy was Pit's twin.

"Apparently late enough for Roy to get in before the teacher does," Pit commented. The boy, now known as Roy, was followed by a blonde-haired girl wearing all pink. Her face was a bit red.

"Figures..." Pit said, rolling his eyes. Before Takashi could ask, Ganondorf came in.

"Hello," he said politely. "For those of you who don't know, my name's Ganondorf and I teach Health. That said, I have a quiz for you." Collective groans were heard.

"A test?! B-But we don't even know most of the material!" Peach exclaimed.

"Oh, I assure you, you guys know more about this than you think you know," Ganondorf replied, smirking an eeevil smirk. Takashi, along with about half of the class, felt sick to their stomachs upon seeing this eeevil smirk.

The papers were handed out. and Ganondorf told them to start. Normal test stuff. However...

**Question One: Fill in the blank- A(n) (blank) is a pleasant explosion in a man/woman's stomach when they are sexually stimulated enough.**

_WHA...WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TEST IS THIS?! _Takashi thought, eye twitching as he scanned the sheet. Sure enough, there were similarly...strange questions about the magic three letter word. He glanced at his new friends, seeing how they were holding up. Pit's face was bright red, and Link? He just fainted on his desk.

_Screw_ fainting. Takashi only wanted the earth to swallow him up.

* * *

"I've graded your tests," Ganondorf said the next day. Everyone had mixed reactions:

Group One: Surprised 'Already?'s. (Takashi)

Group Two: Hands cradling their heads embarrasedly. (Pit)

Group Three: Glares at their sadistic teacher who loves seeing his students cringe. (Link)

"If you get between fourteen and twenty points, congrats. Society-wise, you're completely harmless. Seven to thirteen means that you had better learn stuff from the higher scorers. Zero to six just shows you're a menace to society," Ganondorf deadpanned as he handed the sheets back. Takashi gulped, but sighed in relief when he saw his grade: Sixteen.

"What'd you guys get?" he asked his friends.

"I got a thirteen," Pit replied.

"Fourteen," Link said.

"Same here," Roy said.

"I still can't believe he made us take a test like that," Takashi said, leaning back on his chair.

"Things do tend to get a bit...unusual in this high school," Peach admitted.

"Yeah! We're just a small school full of weirdos, after all!" Pit said cheerfully.

"Weirdos, huh? I'd better get used to it, then," Takashi said, putting the paper in his Pokemon folder. Oh, he was going to have Charizard burn that thing up when he got home...

"WOOHOO! I'M A MENACE TO SOCIETY!"

An akward silence grew as the class stared at Wario, who looked very smug with his grade of...a two.

"That...had to be the weirdest thing I've ever heard someone cheer," Takashi said, sweatdroppipng.

"Yeah...But then again, it was _Wario_, so what else is new?" Roy asked.

"I guess you're right..."

Oh, yes...This was gonna be a _long_ year...

* * *

Yeah. Chapters that only concern themselves with one high school class. Bit of a challenge I made for myself.

So, what'd you think? Please review. No flamey.


	2. For the Birds!

Disclaimer: Why, no, I don't own anything! So yeah, I will basically kill you if you sue! (smiles)

**_YAY! _**This story got a review! I didn't think it was going to get reviews but it did (Albeit only one) and...Seriously, I'm_ really_ happy. :D

On with the ficcy!

* * *

"Hey, I've been wondering something," Pit said as he, Link, Takashi, and Roy got their lunches. It's been about a week since the health 'test', by the way.

"What's that?" Takashi asked, taking a bit out of his burger.

"Well, when a situation comes up...like that health test and all...How come nobody tells the principal or vice principal?" Pit asked. Link blinked, as if remembering something.

"Oh yeah, you moved here about two months before Takashi did, right?" he asked. Pit nodded. Link sighed, closing his eyes.

"Okay, nobody calls the principal because he's always busy with paperwork. But here's a story about why nobody calls the vice principal..."

* * *

It was about a year ago. I was going to my first period Biology class, which was a rare thing - a peaceful, tranquil environment in Smash High. Where everything was calm, where every day is like the last...

**_"OHMYGAWD! HELP MEEEEEEE!"_**

...Ah, who the hell was I kidding?

About half the students in the class were hiding under their desks or just plain standing deathly still for fear that _IT_ might fly towards them...God forbid that should happen!

And what was _IT_, you ask? Thank you for asking, Pit.

_IT,_of course, was a bird. A pigeon, to be more accurate. It was officially discovered when Peach opened the door and saw it sitting on the teacher's chair, with Olimar cowering under her desk...the one waaaay in the back.

...Yeah, everyone found out that day that Olimar's scared of birds.

But I digress: it got so nuts that they had to call the vice principal. The principal was busy with paperwork..._again._

_

* * *

_

"But Crazy Hand _should _have helped the situation a bit, right?" Takashi asked. "I mean, he _is_ the vice principal."

"Kid," Link deadpanned, "you have _no_ idea who you're talking about."

* * *

But that was no problem. Crazy Hand _should_ help the situation a bit...right?

...Yeah, I thought the same thing you did, Takashi. Stop laughing!

"This_ is _a Biology class, right?" the VP asked. Olimar nervously nodded.

"And Biology classes are famous for only one thing...So dissect the bird!" the hyperactive vice principal said, waving the entire scenario off with a, well...crazy grin. Everyone gaped at the hand's suggestion.

"**_WHAT?!_** WE CAN'T DISSECT A BIRD THAT RANDOMLY APPEARED IN THE ROOM!"

Who was the one who yelled that, you ask? Well...that was me.

* * *

Takashi and Pit were laughing their asses off at this one. Roy simply shuddered at the memory, as he was in this Bio class, too.

"So...w-what happened then?" Pit asked between breaths.

"Eventually we got one of the janitors and he opened the door, letting the bird fly free. I don't know if Master Hand ever got wind of that senario, but I think he did, since we've never been able to call Crazy Hand after that," Link replied, shrugging as the bell rang.

"See ya guys," Pit said, going the other way.

"Where are you off to?" Link asked.

"English. We're reading _To Kill a Mockingbird_and discussing it. Anyway, see ya," he replied. Roy, Takashi, and Link looked at each other.

"Wouldn't it be funny if a mockingbird actually appeared in Pit's classroom?" Roy asked. Link scoffed.

"Like that'll ever happen," he said. Takashi put on a thoughtful face.

"I don't know...Peach _did_ say that weird things tend to happen here..." he said.

"..."

"..."

"..."

The boys gave each other fearful faces.

* * *

Pit hummed a happy tune as he walked to English. This was a rare, peaceful class for him. A idyllic scene, where personalities are bubbling...

**_"OHMYGAWD! A MOCKINGBIRD!!"_**

Pit didn't know whether to laugh at the irony or cry hysterically.

He opted for the latter.

* * *

_**Omake: Health Class Aftermath (Also known as Purification of the Perverted)**_

"Hey, Charizard. Burn this test for me, will ya?"

"...Char?"

"NO QUESTIONS, JUST DO IT!!"

Ivysaur sighed as he watched Charizard burn the test and Takashi dance and laugh after it was burned. It seemed that transferring to Smash High had _already_ affected his sanity...

* * *

...Please, do NOT ask where the mockingbird part came from. I will tell you right now, I honestly don't know. And in some parts, yes, there is a POV change between third person and Link's flashback. I didn't want to italicize the flashback, because, well...I know it hurts people's eyes. Hell, it hurts _my_ eyes.

So, what'd you think? Please review. No flamey...


	3. Attack of the Printer Fairy

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

On with the fic!

* * *

_...Are you kidding, Pit? A mockingbird? XD_

**_I'm dead serious, Takashi. I almost cried at the irony of the whole thing. I would have, too, if Luigi wasn't my teacher. As much as it pains me to say it, it's really funny to watch him jump every time the bird so much as bat a wing at him._ **

Takashi stifled his chuckle as he read the note. They were in their Math class, and things were boring, as usual. Wolf was droning up a storm about quadratic equations and the two friends were bored. And what do high school students usually do when they're bored?

...If you say anything other than passing notes, you're sadder than Olimar in a room full of birds. And the sight of that, my friends, is _sad. _Amusing in a schadenfreudic way, but sad nonetheless.

As Takashi was about to scribble back a reply, the printer mysteriously came on.

The class watched in silence as the printer started printing out of nowhere. When the printing stopped, Wolf took the paper and read it. He was less than amused. Pit, deciding to bite the bullet, got out of his desk and read over Wolf's shoulder. Wolf glaced at the young junior as he read the contents of the paper.

"Anything you find funny, Icarus?" Wolf growled. Pit sweatdropped.

"Um, no sir. I was just curious, that's all," he said, dashing back to his seat. About ten seconds later, he started to laugh.

"What's it say?" Ness asked the angel.

"It said, **'The men in the white coats are coming to get you'**," Pit chuckled. About half of the entire class started to laugh, and even the other half had amused smiles on their faces.

Wolf sighed. This was going to be a _long _fourty minutes...

_Two minutes later..._

_Bzzzzzt._

**AlL yOuR bAsE aRe BeLoNg To Us.**

Wolf's eye twitched ever so slightly, while the class laughed again.

_Bzzzzzt._

**A picture of Sae from Fatal Frame 2, grinning her insane grin. A caption below said, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."**

"...WTF?"

_Bzzzzzt._

**WARNING! YOUR COMPUTER WILL SELF-DESTRUCT FROM LACK OF USE!**

Another twitch from Wolf.

_Bzzzzzt._

**WHO'S THAT POKEMON? (There was a shadowed picture of Wolf)**

All I can say about this one is that it made Takashi's day. Even more twitches from Wolf.

_Bzzzzzt._

_**"AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" **_

_**SMASH BLAM BAM ZING!**_

The class watched in stunned silence as Wolf destroyed - no, - _annihilated _the printer. Sadly (Or happily, depends on your point of view), the paper that was printed out at the time of this printer's untimely demise survived. Pit quickly snatched it before Wolf could see it.

"What is it this time?" Takashi whispered.

Pit showed him the paper. It said:

**PRINTER FAIRY'S SCAVENGER HUNT!**

**Bring at least five of these items to the main office to obtain a super special prize!**

**The Ocarina of Time**

**A Mudkip**

**Falco's bread**

**The Star Rod**

**A Keyblade**

**Ganondorf's 'secret notebook' **

**A towel**

**The Holy Grail**

**A bottle of water**

Pit and Takashi gave each other "WTF" looks.

"What's a 'Keyblade'?" Pit asked. Takashi shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine," he replied when a hand snatched the paper from Pit's grasp. The students watched in fear as Wolf scanned the sheet. More twitches came from Wolf.

"So that's the way you want it..." he growled. "Okay, I'll make this breif; Since I'm going to be in enough trouble for the printer, a group of you will find five of these objects to the school. If they don't bring the items back by tomorrow, they will fail for the marking period. And that group will be...Icarus, Fujiwara, Greene, and Onett."

"Why me?!" Ness exclaimed, nearly falling out of his chair. "Takashi, Link, and Pit I can kind of understand, but why me?"

Wolf ignored Ness and went back to work.

* * *

"Okay, so how should we do this?" Link asked, as he, Takashi, Ness, and Pit looked through the list.

"...What's a 'Keyblade'?" Ness asked. The other three boys shrugged as Link crossed that item out, along with the Ocarina of Time, the Star Rod, and the Holy Grail.

"Okay, there's four of us, and five items to catch. Anyone want to do a particular one?" LInk asked.

"I can bring the Mudkip. My mom gave me one for Christmas last year," Takashi piped in. Link nodded as he put Takashi's name next to the Mudkip.

"I'll bring in the towel and the bottle of water," Ness said. Link nodded again.

"I'll see if I can snatch Ganondorf's notebook," Pit instantly said, realizing what was going on. Link nodded as he put Pit's name next to the notebook. He blinked, looking over the list, which looked something like this...

**PRINTER FAIRY'S SCAVENGER HUNT!**

**Bring at least five of these items to the main office to obtain a super special prize!**

**The Ocarina of Time**

**A Mudkip _- Takashi_**

**Falco's bread**

**The Star Rod**

**A Keyblade**

**Ganondorf's 'secret notebook' _- Pit_**

**A towel _- Ness_**

**The Holy Grail**

**A bottle of water _- Ness_**

Link gulped, realizing what he had to do.

"Oh, God...Falco's bread..." he said, fear lacing his voice.

You should understand something here; Bread is to Falco like heroin is to a junkie. Well, not as extreme, but you get the idea; You touch the bread, Falco will kick your ass to next Tuesday.

_Calm down, Greene, _Link thought to himself. _All you gotta do is swipe the bread, collect the prize and give it back to him. He'll never notice!_

_...I hope._

* * *

The next morning, Pit held Ganondorf's prized notebook in his arms. How did he manage this? Well...Let's just say that he swiped it from the eeevil teacher...with his permission.

_I swear that asshole has something to do with it, _Pit thought, thinking things over as he walked into the main office.

"Hi, Pit," Takashi said, holding a small Mudkip in his arms. Pit sat next to Takashi and petted the Mudkip, who sighed in contentment.

"Morning, Takashi," he replied as Ness came in, blue towel and a bottle of Poland Spring in hand. He was soon followed by Link, who was very discreet about his item. He held it in a paper bag, a plastic bag, and even wrapped the thing up.

"How'd your mission go, Link?" Pit asked. Link twitched as he sat next to Pit.

"Not fun. He almost caught me," Link replied, when another someone came from behind them. Link jumped.

**_"I'M SORRY! I WON'T DO IT AGAIN, JUST DON'T KICK MY ASS TO NEXT TUESDAY, I BEG OF YOU!!"_** He exclaimed, thinking it was Falco.

"Uhm...Link? That's Crazy Hand, not Falco," Pit said, snickering. Link turned around to see the crazy VP. He scowled.

"It's you. What is it now? You wouldn't happen to be the Printer Fairy, would you?" he said sarcastically.

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh! Whatdja get?" the hyper hand asked. Each student sweatdropped as they showed Crazy Hand their items.

"Okay...seeing as you got five of the items in my awesomely awesome scavenger hunt, I give you...**_CANDY!!"_** Crazy Hand exclaimed as bags of candy fell on the four students.

"Candy?! We did all this for a bunch of..." Ness started.

**_"HEY! THAT'S MY BREAD, ASSHOLE!"_**

Link paled when he saw a very pissed off Falco. Grabbing his bag of candy, he ran at breakneck speed. Falco chased the poor guy all around the school until...

"OH NO! A DEAD END! Uhm...Hi, Falco. Sorry I took your bread, funny thing about that...wait...what are you going to do with that?! NO, NOT THAT! PLEASE! HAVE MERCY! **_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"_**

A week later...

Takashi and Pit got out of Math class. Link was missing in school for about a week now.

"Where do you think Link went...?" Takashi asked when he heard a faint scream. He looked up to see a blur of green. Soon Takashi was flattened by the weight of the green blur, which turned out to be...a very badly beaten up Link.

"What happened to you?" Pit asked as Takashi gained swirly eyes as a result of the collision. Link glared at the angel.

"What do _you_ think? Falco kicked my ass to next Tuesday, you idiot!"

* * *

**Omake - The Birth of a Fear**

"Calm down, Olimar...You've been through harrowing conditions in a distant planet, for chrissakes! Plus, this is a PG movie! There's no reason to be fearing one scene..."

"Mine."

**_"OHMYGAWD! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEE!"_**

Olimar hid under his blanket, shivering. That was the last time he would watch something with birds - even one as supposedly non-scary as this movie was - ..._ever_.

* * *

...I really think that whole thing coulda been better. First one who can correctly guess what movie Olimar was watching gets...uhm...something. I can't think of anything right now. Guessing it should be easy...I threw in two hints in that omake.

What'd you think? Please review!


	4. Cooking with Yo Mama

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Thanks for reviewing, everyone! And everyone got it right, it _was _Finding Nemo. And now, for a super-special prize...CANDY!! (Large bags of virtual candy falls on the reviewers) ...Yeah, I couldn't resist pulling a Crazy Hand. It's just so fun. (High fives Crazy Hand)

Warning: Fourth wall is dented a bit. It's either been dented or shattered in the making of this chapter. I forgot which. And there are jokes of the 'yo mama' variety in here. Just a heads-up.

On with the fic!

* * *

Takashi blinked as he entered the classroom. He knew this was a culinary class, so he wasn't surprised that there was a giant orange pot in the middle of the room...but where was the teacher?

Link noticed Takashi's confusion and snickered.

"I bet you're wondering where the teacher is, right? Well..." he started when a pink puffball with a chef's hat entered the room. He was followed by a blue...penguin (?) with red and yellow robes.

"Poyopoyo!" The pink marshmallow said, confusing nearly everyone in the room. The penguin cleared his throat.

"He said that his name was Kirby and he was the teacher. As for me, I am King Dedede, ruler of Dreamland, and this puffball's translator," the penguin said. Takashi raised his hand.

"Hey, why translate at all? I mean, Kirby could just communicate through his actions," he said, remembering how he would communicate with his Pokemon.

"Because AquaFlame is too much of an idiot to figure that out," Dedede grumbled under his breath.

**Hey! I heard that, fatso! You're gonna pay for that!**

Takashi nearly jumped at the voice. Who the hell was _that?_

"And what are _you _gonna do, Jolly Green Giant? You're just a daydreamy ditz with nothing better to do in her spare time!" Dedede taunted the empty air.

**Oh, yeah? Well, then...how about THIS!**

Dedede poofed away in a puff of smoke and came back wearing a pink poofy dress and girly makeup. A silver tiara replaced his red hat.

The class roared in laughter as Dedede, mortified, ran to the bathroom. As Takashi wiped the tears in his eyes, he managed to ask Link what just happened.

"That was AquaFlame," Link explained. "I'm not really sure what purpose she has in here, but I don't think anyone really cares. Whenever she's around, all these weird things start to happen. Weirder than usual, I mean."

Takashi nodded in half-understanding as Dedede came back, in his original red outfit. The penguin had several anime anger marks.

"Ohhhkay...Now you're gonna get it! Yo mama's so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon!" He snapped.

Takashi's jaw dropped to the ground. He never expected a teacher to yell a 'yo mama' joke. Not ever. Link started to snicker.

"Here it comes...Dedede always gets into a yo mama battle with AquaFlame. I've only heard about it, but Pit told me when he was in this class once," Link explained to Takashi.

**So that's the way you want it...okay then! Yo mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up!**

The class laughed as Dedede gained more anger marks.

"Yo mama's so fat when she wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!" he snapped.

**Yo mama's so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs!**

Dedede had more anger marks on his head.

"Poyopoyopoyo!" Kirby said to Dedede, who grinned.

"Thanks, Kirbs! AquaFlame, yo mama's so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!"

Takashi and Link tried to stifle their laughter. The rest of the class lost all hope, as half of them were rolling on the floor, including Roy.

**Ooh...that was good. But not good enough! Yo mama's so ugly that right after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."**

That did it for Takashi and Link. They laughed along with the class.

"Oh my God, my gut hurts!" Takashi exclaimed, holding his sides.

"I can't...I can't...BREATHE!" Link gasped as the entire class burst at the seams. Dedede started to stammer.

"W-Well...uh...yo-" he started

**Yo mama's so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND THE HOUSE!**

Among the hysterical laughter, Dedede fell to the ground and raised his hands in defeat.

"Okay, you win! Just get outta here, will ya?!" he snapped.

**You know I can't do that, Penguin Boy. Without me, life in this high school would be absolutely boring. See ya!**

Dedede sighed as he put a hand to his forehead.

"The bell should be ringing soon. Kirby, help them recover while I get some asprin," he said, storming off.

* * *

"Awww...I missed a yo mama battle?" Pit complained. Link nodded.

"It was hilarious. AquaFlame won again," he replied. Takashi glanced toward Link.

"'Again'?" he asked. Pit nodded.

"I think the score is AF - 25 and Dedede - 1," he replied.

**Actually, it's 26 for me and 1 for the penguin. People never count the most recent score anymore...**

Pit and Link rolled their eyes.

"So, what are you going to do this weekend?" Link asked the rest of the boys.

"Yo mama," Takashi said nonchalantly. Link, Pit, and Roy stared at the Pokemon Trainer, who blinked.

"What? It's contagious..."

Pit smirked, saying, "While we're on the subject, yo mama's so dumb she bought a tape on how to fix a VCR!"

Takashi grinned, replying, "Well, _yo_ mama's..."

Roy and Link glanced at each other.

"Think Takashi's used to Smash High?" Roy asked. Link gave the pyro a flabbergasted look.

"Are you joking, Roy? You're not used to this school unless you have a fixation on something. You like fire, I like wearing green, and Takashi is now a 'yo mama' joke addict."

* * *

**Omake -** **The Printer Fairy's (Short) Revenge**

_Bzzzzzzt._

**A picture of the Billy puppet from the Saw movies. A caption said, "You wanna play a game?" **

"GOD DAMMIT, CRAZY HAND! STOP WITH THIS PRINTER FAIRY NONSENSE!!"

_"Hee hee hee..."_

It seemed that Wolf wasn't the only one affected by this...situation.

* * *

Okay, I'm gonna give you a_ real_ challenge. If you can name the owners of the two quotations in the omake (The second quote should be easy enough.), you get a oneshot request! If you win, here are the conditions: If it's romance, I don't write OC/canon characters, I don't do lemons (Granted, I haven't tried, but...) and...well I think that's it.

...I just noticed this chapter is so_ Pearls Before Swine_ influenced. Not the yo mama jokes, just the fourth wall breaking. If you haven't read that comic strip, you should.

Some advice before I go; When all else fails, break the fourth wall. It's fun. I do think this chapter could have been a bit...better? Shorter? Whatever.

What'd you think? Please review! And no flames.


	5. Garlic Lockdown

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

So, new school year! That means more chances of inspiration, and that means more updates! :D

To make up for the last coulda-been-better chapter, here's a new chapter, the beginning of which was inspired by a coversation between me and some friends.

On with the fic!

* * *

"I love you," Pit said, gazing at the object of his affections. "I just want to _grasp_ you and never let go. You seem so soft, but sometimes when I unwrap you, you get so_ hard. _But I don't mind because the reward for sucking you is _always_ worth it."

"Pit, will you stop waxing sexual poetic to that stupid Hostess pastry and just _eat_ it?!" Link snapped, biting into his pizza. Takashi and Roy were just about laughing their asses off, because the object that Pit was proclaiming his love for was, in fact, a Twinkie. Pit glared at Link.

"Can** I** help it if Twinkies are irresistable? And besides, I'm taking a creative writing class and we have to make a story with a surprise ending. So I decided I'm gonna wax a sexual poem and take this thing out at the end," he replied, hugging the Twinkie. Link rolled his eyes.

"Even so, can you try not to sound as though you're in a yaoi porno? You've been hanging around Peach too much!" Link complained. Peach was about to protest when Ness came to the table. Accompanying him was a unfamiliar blond. He had an outfit similar to Ness' (So much so that it was scary)...and a really awesome hairstyle.

"What's up, Ness?" Takashi asked, already knowing the answer.

"New student. Master Hand wanted me to show the guy around," Ness replied, gesturing to the blond, who waved nervously.

"Um...I'm L-Lucas. It's...nice to m-meet you..." he stammered. Peach immediately glomped Lucas.

"YOU'RE SO CUTE!!" she exclaimed. Lucas started to blush.

"Um...Thank you?" he asked, when a very frightened scream filled the air. About a minute later, the intercom came on, and the announcer (probably Luigi) screamed, _"WARIO HAD GARLIC FOR LUNCH! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, THIS IS **NOT** A DRILL!"_

Peach, Link, Roy, Ness, and Pit's faces turned pale. Takashi and Lucas remained clueless.

"What's going on?" Takashi asked. The two clueless students were instantly swept away from the lunchroom.

"But..." Lucas said, a bit surprised. "Wh-What about lunch?"

* * *

"How the _hell_ did we get separated from Link and the others?!" Pit panicked, holding on tightly to Takashi's arm as he dragged the Trainer to find a good hiding place.

"Don't think I know! I was following _you_!" Ness replied, latching on to Lucas.

"What is going on?!" Takashi snapped, a little more than irked that he was being dragged around like a rag doll. His only reply was a chorus of two screams from Pit and Ness when the two saw a stocky shadow. Soon the four had been stashed into the nearby janitor's closet.

"OW!" Takashi said, slamming into something.

"Hey, this is my hiding spot! Get your...Oh, hi guys," came a familiar voice. The light suddenly turned on, revealing a very spacious room, and a safe Link.

"Where are Roy and Peach?" Pit asked.

"I saw them running into Mario's classroom," Link replied, sitting down on a nearby chair.

"They should be safe there," Ness said, breathing a sigh of relief. Takashi shook his head, still disoriented from being pushed.

"Safe from what? What the hell is going on?!" he asked. Link blinked, remembering something.

"Oh, you two don't know! You remember Wario, right Takashi?" he asked. Takashi nodded. How could he forget?

"As you already know, he had garlic for lunch. The big deal is that he turns into a psychopathic supervillan when he eats it!" Pit exclaimed, waving his arms in the air. Ness nodded.

"It's horrible! A hall monitor got in his way, and, well...it didn't end too good," he said. "Lucas, I'm really sorry that this had to happen on your first day."

Lucas nodded. Takashi did the opposite.

"Wait. This is impossible! Nobody turns into anything when they eat garlic! And where's the proof?" he asked. Ness handed him a video camera.

"In there. Just watch," he said, pressing play.

_"Hey, you shouldn't be out here when class is in session, young man! Go to class or I will give you detention!"_

_"Class? CLASS?! BWAHAHAHAAA! I'll give you a class!"_

_"Wait! What are you...Oh, GOD! AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"_

When the video was over, Takashi and Lucas faces were terrified.

"Wh-Wha...What happened t-t-to him a-after?" Lucas finally said. Link bowed his head.

"He quit working at Smash High the day after. I think I see him working in that McDonald's that just opened up. And to this day, the remnants of that horrible moment were etched into his skin and clothes forever after. Even now, he reeks of...the _stench_," Link said dramatically. Takashi and Lucas shuddered.

"And this is why everyone panics when Wario eats garlic?" Takashi asked. Pit nodded.

"Usually he brings something like a sub sandwich or gets something from the cafeteria. It's a rare day when he actually decides to eat garlic," he said.

"It takes a while for him to revert back to plain old Wario, so we'd better get comfy. And don't worry about classes; everytime this happens, the school goes on a lockdown," Ness said, sitting down and closing his eyes. Pit and Link followed him, going to sleep. Takashi and Lucas looked at each other.

"What a first day, huh?" Takashi finally said. Lucas nodded.

"Are...things a-always like this h-here?" the blond asked. Takashi nodded.

"It takes a while for you to get used to it," he said, going to sleep. Soon, Lucas closed his eyes and everyone napped the lockdown away.

* * *

Four hours later, Wario was tranquilized (Thanks to a very very scared Olimar), and everyone was evacuated out of the school that day. And for three months after, all the boys had to use the girls bathrooms whenever they wanted to go. Why, you ask? Let's just say Wario went to the bathroom right after he ate the garlic...

* * *

What'd you think? Please review! And no flames.


	6. The Prank Off

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This lovely chapter was inspired by two quotes from an amazingly funny show, which I have sneaked in the chapter. You get candy if you can guess what the quotes are and from which show.

On with the fic!

* * *

Takashi yawned as he made his way to homeroom. He looked at his watch, which said 8:30.

_Good, I'm not late. _he thought as opened the door. When he did, his vision immediately darkened and...was that_ water_ he felt dripping on his clothes?

The clothes that he had spent _five hours_ last night to get them perfectly cleaned and pressed for the event right after school?

_Heads_ were going to roll for this.

Takashi could hear laughter.

"Good one, Pit! He never saw it coming!" Link exclaimed, taking the bucket off of Takashi's head. The Trainer immediately responded by wrapping his hands around Link's neck and squeezing.

"Link...Do you have _any_ idea how long it took me to get this outfit ready?!" He growled as Link started to turn blue.

"D-Don't blame me!" Link choked. "It was P-Pit's idea!"

Takashi let go of Link and shot Pit his most murderous glare. Pit sweatdropped as Link started to catch his breath.

"Sorry, Takashi. We keep forgetting that you and Lucas are the newest students. It's Prank Week!" Pit said. Takashi's murderous glare was replaced by a confused look.

"Prank Week? Did you just say..._Prank_ Week? " he asked. Link nodded.

"This is the time of year when the students battle it out with Dedede, Luigi, Mario, Ganondorf, and Olimar in a prank off. The team that wins gets an ice cream party," he explained. "Pit and I were just practicing our skills as pranksters. Sorry we pissed you off."

Takashi waved it off.

"I get worse from Squirtle and Mudkip anyway. Think nothing of it," he told them.

Link and Pit breathed sighs of relief. Takashi held out his hand to show that he wasn't done yet.

"However, what kind of prank was _that?_ A bucket full of _water _on the door? That is so juvenile! Back in Pallet you'd be laughed out of the school if you pulled something like that in Prank Week!" he exclaimed.

"They have a Prank Week in your school too?" Pit asked, eyebrows raised. Takashi nodded and picked up the bucket.

"Yeah, except that it's juniors vs. seniors. Anyway, I were planning the prank, I would've..."

* * *

**A few hours later, at Health...**

"Okay, it's set, right?" Link asked as Takashi set the bucket on the door.

"Yep! Ganondorf will never know what hit him!" Takashi snickered as he positioned the bucket on the door. Pit heard footsteps coming toward the classroom.

"I hear him coming! Quick, to your seats!" he exclaimed. The three boys got into their seats, snickering along with the rest of the class. The door opened, and as expected, the bucket fell on Ganondorf. But instead of water, a white powder settled on Ganondorf. He took the bucket off of his head and glared at the students.

"A bucket full of flour? Is that the best you can come up with?" he asked, smirking as he scratched his arm.

And scratched his foot.

And his face.

And his bum.

Soon he was scratching himself all over the place. That was when Ganondorf realized that it wasn't flour...it was _itching powder!_

"I'm...so...ITCHY!!" the teacher exclaimed as students laughed, got out their cameras, and started to record what would forever-after be called 'The Itchy Dance'.

Pit came up, snickering while he did so and handed the teacher a bar of soap.

"H-Here, Ganondork," he slipped, causing more laughter. "U-Use this soap. It's the o-only way to g-get the itching powder com-completely off."

Ganondorf took the soap, glaring at Pit for accidentally calling him Ganondork. He went into the nearby office, where (conveniently) there was a sink. A few seconds later, the students heard...

"AAH! Why are my hands and face all greasy?! Wait a sec - Holy _Hyrule!_ **_WHY IS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP?!"_**

"WE MADE IT OURSELVES!" Takashi and Wario exclaimed in unison as they, along with the rest of the class, gave in to gales of laughter.

Ganondorf punched the wall, seething as he did so. Those snot-nosed kids were going to get it!

* * *

For the next four days, the teachers tried to fight back. All of these attempts have been thwarted in one way or another, mostly thanks to the prank masters that are Takashi, Link, and Pit.

Ganondorf gave Takashi a chocolate egg filled with the hottest hot sauce he could find, hoping the junior would eat it. Not only did Takashi _not_ eat the egg, the Trainer re-gifted it to Luigi, who did eat it. The younger Mario Brother was declared out for the rest of the week as he needed to recover from a burned tongue.

Olimar tried the old 'Whoopee' cushion plot on Link. However, when the Science teacher wasn't looking, Link put it underneath the cushion of the teacher's chair. You can guess what happened from there.

Mario rigged the classroom with booby traps. While some of the students did fall for some of the traps (Such as Roy pulling a string and getting sloshed by water balloons), Pit somehow managed to trick Mario into pulling the strings that caused buckets of chocolate syrup and feathers to fall on the Italian teacher.

Dedede also tried getting the kids with hot sauce but he put it in the cookies. Takashi saw that and just plain threw them away when Dedede gave the plate full of cookies to the Trainer. He was _already_ in trouble for taking Luigi out.

At the end of the week, Ganondorf called a meeting with the teachers.

"Those kids are good this year! The team from last year never even came close to thinking about pouring itching powder and putting bacon in the soap!" Olimar wailed, putting his hands in his head.

Ganondorf scratched his arm thinking about the itching powder.

"We gotta face it, the kids won this year," Mario admitted sadly, thinking about all the ice cream they were gonna lose. Dedede pounded on the table, making the other two jump.

"I won't allow it! Don't forget, the team with the most extravagant successful prank at the end of the week wins. And we still haven't used our secret weapon yet..." he said, slowly smirking.

**The next day...**

The students blinked as they beheld the sight before them, gaping. Master Hand _had_ told the students that there was a surprise waiting for them in the stadium, but _this_ was really surprising.

And what was _this_, you ask?

_This _was a moose.

A giant wooden moose, reaching up to the sky. At least, it was higher than the stadium was. The students 'oohed' and 'ahhed'.

"Where do you think it came from?" Link asked, looking at the antlers.

"I don't know, but it's awesome! Let's take it inside!" Pit exclaimed. The crowd cheered until Takashi, who was underneath the moose, heard snickering and commands to "Be quiet, they'll hear us!" The Trainer came up and held up his hand and yelled, "Wait a minute!"

The corwd was silent, for they knew that Takashi was the Prank Master.

Takashi examined the legs of the moose and found a little note on the back of the leg. It said, "Do Not Open." Takashi disobeyed and opened the door, catching sight of Ganondorf's cape. That told him all he needed to know. He closed the hatch and shook his head at the other students.

"I don't know if we can take it inside," he announced, causing the rest of the students to groan.

"Why not?" Ness complained.

"It's so moosey!" Peach, who absolutely loved mooses, whined.

"Because," Takashi said matter-o-factly. "How are we going to make it fit in the door? This moose has to be at least fifty times as large as the doors!"

Inside the moose, the teachers froze upon realizing that Takashi was right. They glared at Dedede.

"I guess I didn't think about that..." the cooking teacher said sheepishly.

Outside the moose, Takashi continued, "And besides, Prank Week is still on. I've read about the Trojan Horse, so I have reason to believe that the teachers are in there, planning to ambush prank us."

"You know what, I haven't seen the teachers all day..." Link added, realization dawning on him.

"Wait, I did see Luigi in homeroom," Ness said, remembering that he did see the green-clad Italian.

"He...has a p-point," Lucas added, nodding. Takashi shrugged, getting something out of his backpack.

"I can't say that the teachers are in there for sure, but just to be on the safe side..." he said, opening the hatch and throwing the circular object into the moose. The students left the moose alone in the stadium, but almost instantly...

Inside the moose, the stink bomb started to take its effect. The teachers started to gag at the horrible smell.

"Dedede...This is all your fault!" Olimar said, pointing an accusing look at the ruler of Dreamland.

"Says the one who left the hatch unlocked!" Mario snapped.

"And who was the one who was snickering the entire time?" Ganondorf snapped at Mario. The three teachers soon got into a fight cloud.

As Dedede gagged at the smell, he screamed as loud as he could...

_**"NOOOOOOOOO! THE MOOSE HAS FAAAAILED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!**_

_**

* * *

**_

Needless to say, the students won the prank off and got their ice cream party. They celebrated by partaking in a very messy food fight after they enjoyed ice cream and all the toppings they wanted.

Mario, Dedede, Ganondorf, and Olimar had to bathe in tomato juice for the following week. Even after that, they smelt of the stink bomb for a few days.

And when Ness and Lucas told him what happened to the other four teachers, Luigi couldn't help but laugh. He was secretly relieved that he was out during the Trojan Moose backfire. But he would never, _ever_ admit that to the kids or his brother.

And the moral of today's story is...Never trust any kind of moose to help you in any way, shape, or form. It will only end in tears.

* * *

What'd you think? Please review! And no flames.


	7. The Game

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

And the quotes from the show I sneaked into last chapter are as follows: Bacon in the Soap and THE MOOSE HAS FAAAILED MEEEEEE!! Both of these quotes come from Invader Zim, so candy goes to PeridotSwan, who was the only one who got it (half) right. And so you know, there isn't actually a Prank Week in my school, either. But there should be. It would be epic. **_EPIC, I TELL YOU, EPIC!!_**

On another note, I just realized I never gave the answers on who said what in the Printer Fairy Omake. The whole thing was actually Master Hand snapping at Crazy Hand. So...yeah.

Warning: Reading this chapter could make you swear a blue streak if you know about the subject. And the fourth wall is broken...again.

On with the fic!

* * *

Pit hummed as he walked to English class. Mockingbird incident aside, he loved the class. He easily passed everything and not as many incidents happen in that class. And now he had a test to take, which he was sure to pass. He _had_ spent five hours studying last night…

**Dammit! I just lost The Game!**

Pit jumped at the voice before he realized who it was.

"I kinda want to ask, but I kinda don't at the same time…" he said.

**Go. Bite the bullet. Ask away. (Pause) I dare ya. **

"…Okay…What the hell, AquaFlame?" he asked.

**It's called The Game and it's something of a mind virus. The point is to not think about The Game. If you do, you lose and you have to announce it to everyone in range. Then you have a half-hour grace period to forget about The Game.**

"That hardly makes sense," Pit said, tilting his head to the side.

**(Sigh) That's what I thought when I was introduced to The Game. And since you know about it now, you're playing too. So get to your class and do whatever it is you're gonna** **do!**

Pit's eyes widened at that.

"The test! I'm gonna be late!" he exclaimed, running off. As he did so, he couldn't help a feeling of dread start to spread.

…Oh, well. It was no big deal...right?

((YOUJUSTLOSTTHEGAME)

Pit bit into his pencil as he looked over the test. There was one question that caught him off guard and it was making him nervous. And when he gets nervous, he thinks of random things. The sexual Twinkie monologue (which got him an A-, by the way), The time Link put straws into his nostrils and pretended he was a walrus, The Game, the time when…

_Palutena above! _He thought when he realized what he had just thought about. _I just lost The Game!_

He sighed, remembering what he had to do._ Do I __**really**__ have to announce it?_

He thought about how he should do it. Finally, he filled in a random bubble to answer the question (It was a scantron) and handed it in. He waited a few minutes, and then raised his hand.

"Something wrong, Pit?" Luigi asked. Pit stood up solemnly.

"Yes, I just wanted to announce that I just lost The Game," he announced, trying not to laugh. He sat down as he took in how the class reacted. One half of the room groaned and swore, realizing that Pit just made them lose, while the other half just blinked in confusion. Among this side was Peach, who (of course) had never heard such a random statement.

"What is Pit talking about?" she asked Ness, who had been one of the students to groan.

"It's called The Game. Everyone plays it and if you think about it, you lose and have to announce it," Ness said. Peach nodded, understanding it.

"So...I just lost?" she asked. Ness nodded and the subject was dropped as everyone finished the test.

This was Monday.

On Tuesday, Peach lost The Game and announced it to Roy. Roy gave her a questioning look, and then swore under his breath when he remembered.

On Wednesday, Roy lost and announced it to Link. Link immediately swore revenge on Roy.

On Thursday, Link lost and explained it to a very confused Takashi.

Finally it was Friday and Takashi was at Math class. As Wolf taught them some Mathematics crap that nobody really likes **(1)**, Takashi's mind wandered. It wandered to the whole Printer Fairy business, the time Charizard got drunk with eggnog, The Game, the time when...

_Dammit! _he thought when he realized he lost. He dreaded having to announce it. Wolf had a very short tolerance for anything random.

Shakily, he raised his hand.

"What is it, Fujiwara?" Wolf growled. Takashi winced, imagining Wolf's anger.

"Um...can I go to the bathroom?" he asked. Wolf nodded and Takashi got the pass. As he walked out the door, he suddenly stopped.

"Oh...ANDYOUALLJUSTLOSTTHEGAME!" he said quickly, running out the door before anyone could stop him. Link, Pit, and Ness swore blue streaks, along with a vast majority of the class.

Wolf twitched when he realized what Takashi had just said. He had not lost The Game in nearly twenty years. And now, this...child made him lose! He did the one thing he would do at a time like this...

Somewhere else in the high school...

Ganondorf and Dedede heard a long, piercing howl. Ganondorf sighed.

"I suppose that's Wolf," he said. "I wonder what he's howling about now?"

The two heard bodiless snickering.

**Dear diary: Mission accomplished.**

Dedede could feel a migrane coming on.

"What are you up to, AquaFlame?" he asked.

**Oh, nothing~! And by the way...you two just lost The Game!**

"DAMMIT, AQUAFLAME!!!"

* * *

Notes:

(1) No offence if Math is your favorite subject. It's okay, but I've learned that the fine line between enjoyment and misery in _any_ class is the teacher's personality. I have had some bad Math teachers in the past.

Hope you guys dont hate me too much for making you lose The Game. So...Review? No flames?


	8. Cabin Fever

Disclaimer: I own _NOTHING. _

This was inspired by the song featured in this chapter, and the fact that I've been in my house for three days (plus a second snow day tomorrow). I felt a strong urge to murder by the time I heard this song. Now I have an urge two write something insane and absolutely random.

BTW, the song's Cabin Fever in the movie Muppet Treasure Island. I suggest listening to it as you read this.

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Wow, look at this snow!" Pit exclaimed, grinning as he looked out the window. Sure enough, it was snowing heavily. Takashi and Link looked out as well.

"I wonder if we'll have a snow day tomorrow?" Takashi asked, evisioning the events of a snow day: Snowball fights, snowmen...

"Don't be so sure," Link said. "A few years back, it was snowing just like this. It got so bad that everyone was snowed in!"

"Snowed in?" Takashi and Pit asked in unison.

"It was horrible!" Peach added. "I was stuck in my cabin for three whole days!"

"Yeah," Link said in agreement, "It was bad, butI always thought it was really bad to be in the school when it happened."

The other students nodded in agreement. Then the intercom turned on.

_"Hiya, everybody!"_ Crazy Hand's voice came up. _"It's a blizzard out there, and the snow plows take forever to be warmed up, sooooo...we're snowed in! That's right, we're all stuck here! You can find blankets and pillows in Ganondorf's classroom!"_

Everyone in the room screamed their heads off. And Link was beaten to a bloody pulp.

**Day 1**

"This doesn't seem so bad," Takashi said. The students just woke up and they were getting breakfast in the cafeteria. The other kids agreed with him.

Then they saw Luigi and Olimar.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE SNOWED IN!!" Olimar exclaimed.

"QUICK, OLIMAR! GET THE FLAMETHROWER FROM CRAZY HAND'S OFFICE! IT'S OUR ONLY HOPE!" Luigi yelled back.

"THAT THING HASN'T BEEN USED SINCE GOD KNOWS HOW LONG! WE'RE ALL DOOOMED!" Olimar wailed. The two teachers collapsed, sobbing.

The group of students watching this scene sweatdropped.

"I wouldn't be too sure, Takashi..."

**Day 4**

Everyone felt as though their minds had been dropped in a box of ice. They just sat around, too tired to teach or learn. For some reason, everyone was sitting in various spots of the auditorium.

Some students twitched. Some teachers twitched. One teacher scratched his rear.

Until, of course...

"I'VE GOT CABIN FEVER!!" Olimar had finally snapped (no surprise there). The Biology teacher was jumping around and waving his arms.

"ME TOOOO!!!" Link exclaimed, mimicking Olimar's actions. Almost everyone jumped into action.

"CABIN FEEVERRR!!" they chanted as festive music played over the intercom (probably Crazy Hand's doing.)

"_I've got cabin fever, it's burning in my brain!_" Bowser sang.

"_I've got cabin fever, it's driving me insane!_"Luigi replied.

Link, Takashi, and Pit grabbed bandanas and put them on their heads. Takashi got a red one, Link got a green one, and Pit got a blue one.

"_We got cabin fever, we're flipping our bandanas!_" they sang. "_Been stuck at sea so long we have simply gone BANANAS!_"

Then everyone burst dancing into the stage, wearing various costumes. They chicka chicka boomed until three of the teachers came up. Ganondorf, Bowser, and Dedede wore sombreros on their heads.

"_We've got cabin fever, we've lost all sense we had! We got cabin fever, we're all going MAD!_" they sang, and were immediately pushed aside by Falco, who wore Western garb. He played a violin as he sang his verse.

"_Grab your partner by the ears, lash him to the wheel!_" he sang. Everyone got partners and began to square dance.

"_Do-si-do, step on his toe! Listen to him squeal!_" As Falco sang this, every girl stepped on their partners toes. The guys yelped at the pain.

"_Allemande left, allemande right, It's time to sail or sink! Swing your partner over the side, drop him in the drink!_" Falco laughed as his section was done. The spotlight shone on Peach and Roy, who sat sipping tea. Peach was dressed in a light blue dress, and Roy was wearing a suit with a top hat.

"_We've got cabin fever,_" Peach said.

"_No ifs, ands, or buts!_" Roy agreed.

"_We're disoriented,_" Peach continued.

"_And demented!_" Roy added.

"_And a little nuts!_" The couple sang in unison. The spotlight on them faded as Mario and Wario came in, wearing German clothing with their trademart caps.

"_Ach du lieber Volkswagen car!_" The two Italians sang while Luigi yodeled in the background. "_Saur braten viener schnitzel, und a vunder bar!_"

"_We were sailing, sailing! The wind was on our side!_" Fox exclaimed/sang. A coffin appeared in the middle of the stage. It opened, revealing Wolf, who twitched.

"But then it died!" he growled, closing the coffin shut.

"_I've got cabin fever_," Olimar told Dedede, "_I think I've lost my grip!_"As he sang this, Olimar lost grip of his beaker. Dedede groaned.

"_I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script!_" he growled. Everyone nodded in agreement. Then Crazy Hand made his appearance, wearing green and pink colors.

"_I was floating 'neath a tropic moooon!_" he sang. "_And dreaming of a blue lagooooon! Now I'm crazy as a loon!_"

"What else is new?" Link asked as everyone lined up on stage.

"_Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard!_" everyone sang. "_This once proud vessel has become a floating psycho ward! We were sailing, sailing headed who knows where, and now though we're all heeere...We're not all there!_"

Everyone started dancing around at this point. You, the reader, can use your imagination as to which pose the group finished their dancing in (as long as it's not perverted and within physical reason).

"_Cabin fever, aah!_" everyone exclaimed, finishing the song.

* * *

Everyone in the room gaped at the screen in front of them. Master Hand and Crazy Hand were there, too.

"...And that's what would happen if we were snowed in," Master Hand said. Link sputtered, and spoke.

"So, the point of showing us that video was what would happen if we got snowed in today?!" he exclaimed. "Where did that video even come from, anyway?!"

"Crazy Hand made it," Master Hand deadpanned. Crazy Hand grinned.

"My best video yet!" he exclaimed.

"Anyway..." Master Hand said, "I think it's best that you go home now before you're snowed in."

"I think you'll find we're too late..." Crazy Hand said, looking out the window. Sure enough, The snow had piled high, blocking the doors and the windows!

"YOU MEAN WE REALLY **ARE** SNOWED IN?!" everyone exclaimed in unison. When Crazy Hand nodded, Takashi sighed, and asked one question.

"Where can I get the bandanas?"

* * *

O.o This was a nutty chapter. It was fun to write.

What'd you think? Please review!


	9. Of Sparta and Mannequin Heads

Disclaimer: I own not.

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Two figures observed the row of students in front of them. One was about the same size and Kirby and the other one was almost intimidating in his height.

"Okay, runts," the taller man said to the students. "I don't know how your previous gym teacher did things around here, but things will be different. We're gonna work you hard like you would expect in the military."

As Snake continued, Link whispered to Takashi, "I still can't believe the Sandbag retired!"

"The Sandbag?" Takashi asked.

"That's the nickname we gave our previous P.E teacher," Link explained. "I just hope that this new one doesn't give us anything hard to do like Sandbag didn't."

"Now that our little speech is over..." the new teacher said, grabbing Takashi and Link's attention, "You can call me Snake."

"And you shall call me Meta Knight," the puffball said. " To start, we'll be kickboxing."

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" _**Pit wailed, falling to the floor. Snake glared at the boy and walked over to him. The militarian pulled Pit up by his collar.

"You got a problem with that?" he growled. PIt shuddered with fear.

"N-No..." he said.

"Listen here, runt!" Snake yelled. "In the military, I've learned one thing and one thing only: one plus zero is one. However, one plus one is two. Do you understand what I mean?"

"...They reteach you basic math in the military?"

Growling, Snake dropped Pit to the ground.

"...Smartass," he muttered.

**((THUGAIM))**

"Can you believe this?!" Takashi exclaimed, punching a punching bag. Pit groaned.

"I agree, this is madness..." he sighed, half-heartedly punching the wall.

The two boys heard insane laughter. They jumped and turned around to see Link, with an insane gleam in his eyes. Pit gulped, afraid of what that gleam might mean.

"Why are you laughing, Link?" he cautiously asked. "I just said that this is madness..."

"Madness?....**THIS IS SPARTA!!!" **he exclaimed, delivering a swift kick to Pit's abdomen, which the angel blocked.

"What the hell, Link?!" he yelled, punching back. Link blocked the punch with a laugh.

"Sorry. We're watching the movie _300_ in Latin," he said sheepishly. "There was a lot of blood, guts, and epic quotes. And when you said 'this is madness,' I couldn't resist."

Takashi, along with a nearby Roy, was laughing hysterically. Snake and Meta Knight, who were watching the scene with Samus and Ike, simply blinked.

"Are things always this insane here?" he asked. Samus nodded.

"I don't think I've seen a sight this insane since Samus got stuck in Cosmetology class," Ike explained.

**((FLASHBACK!!))**

"Samus, you're not brushing the hair right!"

"What's the difference?! These brushes are all the same!!"

"The difference is that paddle brushes are meant for longer hair! The hair length is not long enough! And you're scrubbing too hard!"

"THAT'S IT! PREPARE TO FALL TO YOUR DEATH!!"

Takashi, Link, and Pit had decided to eat lunch outside one fine, sunny day. Each of the three friends were munching on their sandwiches until the heard the sound of glass shattering. They looked up to see something fly out of the window that belonged to the Cosmotology room. Pit caught the object in his hands and saw that it was...a head!

**"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"**

**"HOLY PALUTENA!!!"**

**"I KNEW IT! I ALWAYS KNEW THAT THEY BRUTALLY MURDERED INNOCENTS IN THAT CLASSROOM!! AND WE'RE NEXT!!!" **

**"I'M SCARED! HOLD ME, LINK! I DON'T WANNA DIEEEEE!!"**

**"GAH! GET OFFA ME, PIT!!!" **

**"WHERE'S CHARIZARD?! HE'LL SAVE US!!!"**

Samus and Peach, who watched the rather amusing (meaning friggin' hilarious) scene from the broken window, tried to hold their snickers.

"You shouldn't have thrown the mannequin head out of the window," Peach said. Samus snorted.

"Are you kidding? Breaking the window and losing that stupid head is probably worth it to see these three freak out, and you know it," she replied.

"...Okay, that's fair."

**((ENDFLASHBACK))**

"So what you're saying is that we're going to lose our very sanity working in this school?" Meta Knight asked, watching as Takashi and the others had now simulated an epic battle.

"TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!" Takashi bellowed, delivering a punch to Wario, who took it to the face.

"CURSE YOU, TAKASHI! I REALLY HOPE YOU GET SEXUALLY VIOLATED BY A PTERODACTYL TONIGHT!!" Wario replied, sending a kick back. Meta Knight sighed, getting a discipline form for Wario. Snake, meanwhile, had a huge grin. Samus and Ike nodded.

"More or less," they said. Snake smirked and made his reply.

"I think I'm going to like it here..."

* * *

O.O Holy. Crap. This came from out of nowhere. I had intended to put P.E and Cosmetology in separate chapters, but I didn't have enough for either of them to really stand as separate chapters. Maybe in the future. *shrugs*

What'd you think? And with Snakes one plus one quote, it meant that people in the army have to work together.

Please review!


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